Do Leaders Apologize?

Should Leaders Apologize?
What Would We Teach Our Children to Do?

Reporting and commentary concerning recent apologies made by three American public figures has had nonstop coverage in web and print media outlets. First, there was the apology of Congressman Joe Wilson for his outburst in the joint session of the US Congress that challenged President Obama’s honesty. This was followed by Serena Williams apology for her inflammatory remarks to the officials at the US Open tennis tournament. And finally, there has been the apology (I think that is what it was) by Kanye West for insulting Taylor Swift and stealing her opportunity to express her thanks for receiving the Best MTV Video Music award. Each of these offenses and apologies leave many confused as to the motivation and remorse behind them.

A recent conversation with two friends gave me a more substantive and revealing consideration on apologies made by leaders. The three of us were discussing the public “reaming” that one of us had recently endured by his boss in front of those that report to him. This confrontation was angry, laden with profanity, and humiliating. In addition, my friend was not even directly at fault for the problem that sparked the furious diatribe.

By the next day the supervisor was back to his friendly self and interacted with my friend as if nothing bad had happened. As my friend finished telling this story, I commented that the boss would move toward reestablishing his leadership if he were humble and aware enough to offer a sincere apology. The third member of our discussion quickly interjected that in the world of business, leaders don’t apologize. As we absorbed the truth and effect of this last comment, our conversation moved to something less depressing.

So, do leaders apologize? I would say usually not. We can list out many reasons why leaders don’t apologize, but the reasons tend to be various forms of pride or fear. Should leaders apologize? I would say yes. The reasons for leaders making a sincere and humble apology are also many. But the reasons tend to be various forms of honoring right values, honoring one’s faith, and aligning with leadership practices that usually produce long-term success. As I have pondered this conversation and these public apologies in the news, I have thought that there is a more fundamental question that is far more revealing to this topic.

That question is, “What would we teach our children to do?” We teach our children to sincerely and humbly apologize because if they don’t learn to do so, they become brats or bullies. If they never learn humility and respect of others, these children grow up to be congressmen, professional athletes, celebrities, and bosses who are more skillful brats or bullies. When they finally hit one of those moments in life in which they are forced to apologize, the ability to meaningfully do so tends to escape them. As a leader, their pride or fear undermines their ability to retain the followership and full contribution of their constituents. Even a kid knows that the sooner you can get away from a brat or a bully, the better. Too bad so many adults in positions of leadership have forgotten what every kid knows.